nightlife - BAB ABOUT TOWN

I have seen a lot of things in my time on Broad Street in Birmingham, I have seen suited up cats, walking dildos, and I once saw a girl throw up the River Nile, I’m not kidding, she was like a bloody hose pipe without the off switch. When friends say “let’s go clubbing” that is the first thing I think off is that god awful street in Birmingham but then, I also think about the terrible house music, the sweaty bodies all over me and the unpleasant fart smells that no one owns up to. Once upon a time, I loved clubbing, I loved getting all sweaty in my clothes, screaming let me be your fantasy and throwing back the cheap neon shots. Time is getting on now and well, I just rather be in an old man’s pub with a pint listening to a bit of Dexy’s Midnight Runners Come. I’ll be honest those clubbing days were a lot of fun and It took me a while to get out of that phase and realise its not that fun anymore. So, what were the signs? when is it time to say I am too old for the club, well, here are the signs to look out for and realise that you are too old for the club!

YOUR CRAVING MCDONALDS AT 10PM

All that build-up, all those hours of getting ready, only to hit the club for one drink and end up in McDonalds at 10pm for a Big Mac.

YOU CANT “GET LOW’ ANYMORE TO FLO RIDA

I mean, why the hell would you want to dance to that song anyway…

YOUR WIPING THE TOILET SEAT IN THE CLUB AND REFUSE TO SHARE YOUR TOILET WITH YOUR BESTIE ANYMORE

I remember the days of rushing to the toilets with your friends after all those vodka and cokes, and sharing a lovely toilet seat covered in other peoples urine and cigarette ash…Bliss.

ITS HAPPY HOUR! BUT YOUR FIRST THOUGHT IS I GOT TO GET UP EARLY TOMORROW…

I got a 6 am alarm, shit loads of work to do and bloody loads of meetings, have you ever done an all-nighter and gone into work the next day pissed as a fart? It took me a good hour to find my work trousers the following morning only to realise that I was already wearing them and had dropped toothpaste down my crotch…FFS.

YOU DONT EVEN MAKE IT OUT TO THE CLUB…

Have you ever gotten ready, had a glass of wine then suddenly your bed is more appealing than a night out with the girls and hideous shots…yeah, happens all the time mate.

“LETS GO TO THE NEXT CLUB!!”

Everyone has that Twat in each friendship group who doesn’t know when to call it quits on a night out but we still bloody love them to death but not when you want to call it a night. You have done your bit, you had a couple of drinks, you bopped up and down on the dance floor, that should do it, right? HECK, NO! There is always some fucker who can’t call it quits until they pulled a one night stand and a kebab.

YOU ARE ASKING FOR THE PRICE OF DRINKS

£10 for a sodding Gin and Cranberry, does that include the bloody whole bottle of gin?!

WHEN EVEN MR BRIGHTSIDE CANT BRING YOU ONTO THE DANCE FLOOR

I remember the days of Mr Brightside, the whole of Snobs flooding to the small sticky dance floor, jumping all over random people, people hugging each other screaming the lyrics and then at the end of the song leaving the dance floor smelling like someone’s stinky armpit. Good times, but now when this song comes on and you see the big sweaty crowd forming I just think BACTERIA and I cant be arsed to shower when I get in…

YOU DIVE ON YOUR FRIEND WHO IS “TOO DRUNK” BECAUSE HE/SHE IS YOUR TICKET TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Right, so who is the one friend that is absolutely going to get shit faced tonight and is your ticket out of this joint to a Mcdonalds and an early bedtime.
8pm “I’m Fucked mate”
And we have an escape plan, exxxcellent!

YOU LOSE YOUR FRIENDS ON PURPOSE SO YOU CAN GO HOME EARLY

“Just going to pop to the toilet, back in a bit”
Runs to the exit and Dials Uber
Get home, fling heels to the floor, whip off the bra, jump into PJs, pray to the Lords that you don’t have those clingy friends that like to pee in the same toilet as you and go to bed.
MI5 you can hire me anytime Babe.

WHEN YOUR FRIENDS ARE TRYING TO GET YOU TO DANCE BUT ALL YOUR THINKING ABOUT IS WHATS HAPPENING ON LOVE ISLAND RIGHT NOW?

You agree to go out with your friends, you have a drink, you have a bite, you have a bitch, and then you are forced to sway side to side on the dance floor to some god awful pop music, but all your thinking about is whats going on in Love Island right now…and then Sean Paul comes on…FFS.

AMY ELIZA

2019 was the year of discovery and finally venturing out into the world on my own. It was nice on Sunday to sit back and flick through all my photos from 2019 and seeing the drastic changes through imagery from the start of the year to the end of the year. I have learnt a few things about myself, but I have learned more about the city I live in, Birmingham. There is always going to be something new around the corner of this buzzing city whether it be a new venture, a new role model or a new Cronut. It’s crazy to think years ago I wanted to move out of Birmingham and move to London which would be such a bad move as

It’s not so much I don’t like people its the fact that I don’t like being surrounded by so many of them…
I hate the tube, everyone’s running in and out of the train like they need the toilet and have chronic diarrhoea
You have to pay every time you use a toilet or you have to pay for tap water…Christ, these are dark times we are living in.

Now I feel Birmingham is my home and I want to finally settle down here and be comfortable. I look forward to another year of discovery in my city but let’s just have a look back at the couple of things I discovered/did in 2019 in Birmingham.

CRONUTS

Our Birmingham bakers have gifted us the gift of the gods and they are called Cronuts. These little minxes come from The Medicine Bakery in the City Centre. They are baked to perfection, they are crispy and packed full of delicious filling that just oozes out creating a sensational mouth orgasm. Apologies for the pornographic chat, but take it from me, they are better than sex. Unfortunately for me, I introduced my mom to them so now every time I am in Birmingham which is 90% of the time I have to visit the Medicine Bakery and buy her a Cronut. I think she feels the same way too…

DIGBETH IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SPOTS IN BIRMINGHAM

last year I found myself going to Digbeth a lot more as I was doing a lot of blogger/model photoshoots in that location. I have found over the year that Digbeth just seems to grow bigger and better each year with more unique venues bursting with creativity and fun for all. Digbeth has become one of my favourite places to photograph, I can photograph kids, families, couples, bloggers and even dogs! The background is unique, its edgy, different and it makes my photos stand out. The place is crawling with not only photographers but videographers, music artists making their music videos, painters/graffiti artists, models and TV/film crews. Whether it’s a quiet sit down with a coffee at Kanteen or a buzzing night out with friends indulging in a variety of cuisines at Digbeth Dining Club, Digbeth caters for all and It’s kicking Shoreditch’s arse, period.

BIRDIES BAR- BLOODY GOOD GRUB AND BEST PLAYLIST IN ALL OF BIRMINGHAM

If you like Pina Coladas and awesome music, frigging delicious street food, palm trees, and well, a free holiday where you don’t have to get on a plane and pay the extra luggage fee, then escape to Birdies in Digbeth. This has become one of my favourite places in Birmingham to go out, day and night, its Birmingham’s very own tropical paradise. A place for all ages to mix and mingle over a cocktail, listen to some banging music ( Fleetwood Mac, Phil Collins, Catfish and the Bottlemen)and pretend they are on holiday for just a couple of hours. Intrigued? I did a review of Birdies back in October on the blog so check it out!

MY VERY FIRST GAY PRIDE

Last year I encountered my very first Gay Pride, it was full of colour, kissing, bondage and DRAG. Watching the parade and the number of people that came out to support and cheer on the people that were taking part was incredible to see. The costumes, the people and the zero fucks given is what I absolutely love about Gay Pride. It’s wild, it’s colourful and its ME! so it’s now become a tradition that I must go to Gay Pride every year with my glitter and my boobs.

THE PHOTOGRAPHY COMMUNITY

Photography credit to Rob Heath Photography and Exquisitevisualz

Last year we saw the photography community grow even bigger in Birmingham, more people entered the photography game last year and it’s great to see so much support for photographers. I see so many Birmingham social accounts like hotels, newspapers & magazines, independents and lifestyle blogs sharing photographers content daily and it offers so much exposure for that photographer. A couple of times last year I was finding my photography everywhere I was clicking on social media, I would see people commenting on my photos and tagging other people which is insane as I remember at the beginning I was so petrified to share my content to anyone! It gives you the push and the confidence we need to continue in this tough industry. I hope this year the photography community continues to grow and help promote our talented photographers.

SNOBS IS NOT SNOBS ANYMORE

2019 was the year I went to Snobs, god, it hurts so bad to call this place “Snobs” because it’s not the shithole we used to know. Snobs never played pop music, it wasn’t full of 10-year-olds and it was never snobby, the staff can clearly see you are not 10 years old so you just get a load of weird glares behind the bar. Snobs was the place where our parents would get engaged, it was acceptable to be a sweaty mess and we would have to get friends to unstick our feet from the floor. Ah sweet memories, RIP Snobs, there will never be anyone like you again

DATING IN BIRMINGHAM

So last year I was thrown into the world of dick pics, ghosting and “This is my friends” dog pics, an uncomfortable combination but that’s ONLINE dating for you. I can’t remember the last time I dated so, of course, I didn’t know what to expect. It could be a nice casual date at Yo Sushi or a date where I end up blindfolded in the back of a boot of a Ford KA (That’s my mothers warning words) but I did it. I tried dating and even though I did it when I didn’t feel ready to do so, I have no regrets. I enjoyed my dating experience of 2019, it helped to build my confidence, I got to meet a variety of characters, I went to many new places and I saw a lot of things [please insert dick jokes here]

INDEPENDENT SHOPPING

Don’t you just hate it when you see a blouse you like in a high street store like Topshop for £35 and you go into an independent or a charity shop and find something that is exactly the same or even better quality for less than half of the price? This is the ultimate tit twitcher. So last year I stopped shopping at the High street big brands and started to shop at independent shops. I found so many beautiful independent shops not just in Birmingham but around the Midlands that I can buy clothes, accessories and gifts for family & friends. I just feel the high street is pulling the wool over us shoppers eyes a lot in regards to prices and I am sick to death of wasting £100 on just 3 items! so last year I managed to save myself a lot of money (est of £600) from just boycotting the high street and giving my money to the independents that need and DESERVE it more. We all know that it ends up on eBay or the charity shops after two months of it being in the shop anyway…

AMY ELIZA