Pinch my nips.

The three words that I said out loud soon as I left 670 Grams. Firstly, because it was so bloody cold out and secondly because I was experiencing a mixture of emotions. Stunned, content, extremely satisfied and angry, anger connects with the Pinch my nips because I was so pissed at myself for trying 670 Grams so late in the game. Everyone was right, soon as I mentioned I was going to 670 Grams I had people all over Instagram and Twitter messaging me, really punching in that excitement of going and high praise all round for 670 Grams. I went with an open mind and left mind-fucked…in a good way.

Booked in for 7.15, 670 Grams is located in Digbeth (Gibb Street) in The Custard Factory. It’s small but surprisingly comfortable – Graffiti plastered on the wall with grunge interior, Tim Burton meets Brum. The first words that come to mind would be “What the fuck is this” especially if you’re brought here for a special occasion by your partner for a “luxury evening of 15 courses” it doesn’t look luxurious but that’s what I love. FUCK the luxury fine-dining lets blind-side you and WOW the shit out of you…I will warn you there is going to be a shit-load of swearing in this but it’s okay, I am no pro and I like food writing enit?

Service is sharp and friendly straight away, we were introduced to Zac who I have to say was perfect from start to finish, none of this false customer business, Zac is authentic and really sold the evening for us both. He was impressive throughout. We started our evening with cocktails priced at £12 – James went for the Pineapple Express and I went for the Eye Candy. Pineapple Express was presented in a Pineapple glass – tangy, sweet, and satisfactory. The Eye Candy was my kind of cocktail that included my three favourite ingredients – strawberry, tequila and Champagne. It took us 10 minutes to settle in with our drinks and soon after the tasting menu began.


A course made from all the leftovers they have in the kitchen from herb spices added to chicken stock served alongside the pineapple that is marinated in soy sauce and ketchup Manis. Both make a punchy introduction to 670 Grams, I could of had about 10 shots of that soup – We are off to a good start.


Served with raw seasoning with aloe Vera and chilli with a dressing made 38-year-old soy sauce! Topped with a raw scallop that’s lightly torched over fire and caviar – A truly fantastic dish that is beautifully presented and the sauce was just incredible, we couldn’t help but use our fingers to wipe up all the access sauce.


This course was the only course I wasn’t crazy about like the others but that’s maybe because I am not a big fan of mackerel so this may be a bit unfair to review. The mackerel is served with fresh Japanese Wasabi and frozen apple.


Rice Bhaji served with coriander mayonnaise and mango jelly, one delightful bite and it was all gone. Love the little tangy kick from the mango jelly.


Another beautifully presented dish, the pan-fried turbot with a sauce made from all the shells and heads of the fish finished with white wine and burnet lemon then topped with caviar. What a sensational dish and I remember this was the dish where a lightbulb suddenly went off in my head…MICHELIN ALERT. The excitement flowed through out and we decided to order two glasses of the Domaine Drouhin morgan red wine blend that complimented our next dishes perfectly especially with the lamb!


The next dish (in which many people messaged me about to look forward to) was delicious but I wouldn’t say it was the stand out dish of the night that many praised it to be. Not your typical loaf of bread, it’s a Langoustines bread that is cooked directly on the barbecue with a home-made cheese spread and spring onion oil. The cheese spread reminded me of Dairylea but of course, at a totally different and much higher standard. The bread was baked perfectly – again, another great dish.


This dish was a total surprise, a dark horse that completely opened my eyes to be more open with cabbage as well, come on…it’s pretty bland as fuck, but no, 670 Grams whipped up something incredible yet again and made cabbage…SEXY. Cooked in burnt butter with a mussel sauce with wild garlic oil and crispy seaweed – OOF! Gorgeous.


The perfect consistency – confit celeriac roasted on a barbecue in beef fat with black truffle puree pickled red cabbage and fresh English truffle – I bloody love truffle and I bloody loved this dish. We let Zac decide our next drink in which he said he was going to give us a glass of his favourite drink which was the Mullineux old vines white blend 2020 – An unusual dessert wine that I really enjoyed, it was like liquid gold!


I don’t think I have ever called a dish “A Sneaky little fucker” but hey, there is a first time for everything and this dish is exactly that. This dish doesn’t look much, it looks like a burnt truffle to be honest so when I threw it down my gob, I was incredibly surprised to all of a sudden I could taste a Big Mac in my mouth. Zac said it’s a New York Deli sarnie or a Big Mac, you choose. How? What? Why? Oh bugger it, I had too many questions to ask but I knew Kray is on some next level culinary-wizardry shit after that dish. Those are the kind of surprises I want to encounter and 670 is plenty of them.


Now, this was just sensational – Neck of lamb braised in curry powder with a jerk chicken gravy, it was astounding, taste buds going into overload with incredible bangs of flavour and that lamb just crumbling away in my mouth was just sublime, stuff you could only imagine/feel in your dreams.


This was one of James’s favourite courses – a dish dedicated to a great independent in Kings Heath: The Early Bird Bakery that made the perfect introduction to the desserts of the evening. White chocolate pepper ganache with blackberry and soy compote with grated foie gras.I am more of a savoury dessert kind of girl, I don’t like overly sweet puds or a pool of ice-cream on my plate, so this simple dish was just quintessential and exciting to eat especially for James, I have never seen a grown man get so excited over a little pastry…


A bloody poppadum for pudding EH?! How’s that supposed to work I whinged but my god, it worked. Tomato masala chutney masala mango yoghurt ice cream cucumber and lime Espuma cucumber rice cracker. Reading this, I would just simply skim past soon as I got to the yoghurt part as I’m not a fan but to my surprise, this is one of my favourite dishes along with the lamb and New York deli. Like fireworks of Punchy and zesty flavours in your mouth, clever throughout and a real treat!


It’s not Terry’s it’s ours, Terry fucking who? This dessert was just beautiful. Sweet, seductive and love the combination of sweet flavours and the crunchy texture from the pork scratchings…Pork scratchings and chocolate? Bloody genius trust me babs.


Unfortunately, I am one of those basic bitches that loves a pumpkin spice latte from Autumn to Winter, it’s basic but I don’t care. So, when I heard this was on the menu I was very intrigued. It had quite a thick texture, it does stay on the back of your throat for a bit. Silky, salty, and sweet – Yet another winning dish.

To finish we ended on sweets and chatted to a lovely couple who sat next to us exchanging restaurant recommendations. After a two-hour tasting menu with fantastic beverages, I sat back in my chair and reflected. The experience was just impressive and imaginative throughout. 670 Grams felt like no other fine-dining experience I had encountered before, it was chilled throughout, none of this poshy-noshy bullshit or pretentious aesthetic, I could chill in there with my Nike trainers listen to a bit of Snoop Dog eat great food and not feel judged. That’s my vibe, I don’t want to go to these fine-dining restaurants and feel like I’m judged by the whole room. Kray and the staff were great, Kray introduced some of the meals and was up for a chat afterwards, nothing pretentious at all, he is very likeable.

670 Grams provide the best-valued tasting menu in Birmingham, it’s a fact – 15 courses, 15 incredible courses for £70 like wherein the actual fuck do you find a bargain like that?! it’s also a fact that it’s a complete steal and that Kray was robbed of a Michelin star which is mind-boggling to me as mostly every dish was of a Michelin star level. After the news of Tom Shepard’s restaurant receiving a Michelin star and booked up until June, I could consider it a godsend for 670 Grams, as I don’t want it to get too popular that I can’t book in every month as I believe this is just the start of beautiful dining friendship between us. I think where it’s a bit pricey is the drinks as they do bump up the price, I think we spent around £130 on cocktails and wine.

Look, its bold, daring, unique and unpretentious, and I am a complete tit for just finding that out. I’m fairly confident that it is one of the top dining experiences in Birmingham and 670 grams is definitely not one to ignore. Don’t a be a tit, book it.



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